Feedback from members of the Healed Being program
Stuff I read [in the lessons] 10 months ago is FINALLY hitting home, finally sinking in in real and meaningful ways!… What changed it all for me is that I realized how much being emotionally abusive was hurting ME. I was walking around wounded and spewing all of that hurt on my wife. Like Paul said in Lesson 11: The Protector, “emotional abuse is what happens inside you when you have no access to a more resourceful response. It is the avoidance of vulnerability so that you don’t have to experience fear or pain. It is how you cope and survive because if you don’t react in a hurtful way, you will be hurt.” I have more resourceful responses (coping strategies) now. I’m beginning to trust myself and my actions again… I just wanted to share how impactful it’s been to work these lessons and really sit with each of them, at this wildly different stage in my healing. This time last year when I enrolled, I was a hot mess and really couldn’t comprehend any of the lessons. It’s pretty neat to realize that I’m actively healing and growing. Still humble though!M.B. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
Paul Colaianni has created an outstanding program & this group is an immense support.R.D. (New member)
Hi Paul, I have been working your program as an emotional abuser by using the lessons, podcasts and reading the discussion forums. I have to tell you I am having a complete transformation. It almost scares me because I have never looked at life this way or felt the way I am right now.N.S.
This was quite the journey. I feel like an entirely different person from a year ago… I am a better parent to my three children, with a much stronger foundation of full acceptance of their individuality and a calm presence in their life, gently coaching them through challenges instead of controlling, enmeshing or smothering them… As I begin to date, I am able to put all I’ve learned into action and I am a much more compassionate, accepting person… I cleared away the pain and emotional limitations and respond differently because I am different!
Anyway, thank you! I hope that your program continues and you can provide others with the direction and clarity and harsh/loving accountability that is needed to heal from all of this.R.K. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
Thanks to the lords guidance and Paul’s program, my life has made a 180. Maybe 3 times my wife seen parts of the old me. We discuss it, but it’s not like the major abuse in the past. More petty then anything…. Thanks for the support and this program.R.A.
Thank you so much for the material that has supported me healing to be a better man… I & others can honestly say I’m a different person. Just met a new lady who sees me me for who I really am & healthy, open love is something freeing.C.J. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
Hey, It’s been over a year since I worked with your program and what a difference it has made!… It was one of your podcasts that asked, what if you could meet someone smarter, prettier, more secure, had a job…etc – wouldn’t you be happier? At the time, I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I was going to be in this miserable relationship the rest of my life. Well, I did find someone with ALL of those better qualities and more. I’m so glad to have gone through this journey with your guidance. I just wanted to thank you again!M.G.
…your program has been one of the best things that have worked towards my inner healing… Keep up the unique services you offer, they are helping so many. I appreciate all that you have shared.C.C.
Thanks for letting me be a part of this [support] group. I’ve been working through the program, on lesson 11 right now. I’m in weekly therapy, and I’ve read a shit ton of books. Nothing has helped like Paul and his program. I’ve got a long way to go and a lot to share. Looking forward to becoming a better man.J.K.
I just wanted to say THANK YOU!… So far, I have found your lessons to be incredibly enlightening… Thank you for laying it out for those of us who need it!… I am determined to bring this work to an end and give myself a chance at having healthy relationships, especially with those I claim to love. I’m committed to [the program] 100% and very much looking forward to what comes next!D.B.
The lessons are great and many are slaps in the face and hit so close to home its rediculous.D.M.
I want to thank you for all of your help… [we] just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary… We are continuing our conversations regarding our relationship together with your help and insights. I have much more to thank you for and after completing your “lessons” program…S.T. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
Thank you so much for the Healed Being program. Using it along with the podcasts and therapy has saved my marriage, and more importantly, I am a happier, better person for it.P.W. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
I wanted to send you a personal message of thanks. I have reached the end of the lessons… I think it is a great thing that you have created. As you mentioned yourself, it is in some ways surprising that there is so little in the way of support for people who are realising their emotional abuse and wanting to improve themselves. Almost everything I found while searching was in support of victims… I certainly have you to thank for a big part in helping me realise my part in my problems and not to constantly deflect or readily put the blame on someone or something else. Also, that through your course and therapy, realising that I need to find ways to validate myself and be ok with myself, without a constant need for validation from external sources or requiring constant attention from my partner.G.W. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
I just want to say thank you so much for all the work you’ve done with the Healed Being. From everything I looked at you were the only one that provided help for the abuser to change and I am so grateful to have come across your website and from there learnt so much about myself. You have built an incredible community on Facebook… thank you for opening my eyes to my truth which has helped me so much already with my relationship… You have given me so much to work with and I’m excited of the person I can see myself becoming.J.A.
Lesson 14 was one of those affirmations… I can get jealous of her and want her to account for her time and nurture me because I’ve earned, because “I’ve worked harder than you.” I’ve realized that thought process is the what spirals me into control. Trying not to think about her and what she is doing and what I am “owed” has been instrumental in helping me switch my brain around. Letter her go, letter her be her has actually allowed me to love her more. And I see the repair happening. She actually told me, I see that you are different and that you are changing. I was waiting for those words, it filled me up. We have had our moments of triggered episodes, but they last minutes instead of days now. Thank you!B.A.
Everything I have learned over the past year has been so incredibly helpful and my relationship with my wife has been stronger than ever over the past few months! I can’t thank you and the group enough for all of the support during one of the hardest times of my life. It was invaluable and I will be forever grateful to you, Paul. Thanks for everything.B.E. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
My husband is enrolled in Healed Being… It was a little rocky at first but we are both committed to making it work and I have strong boundaries in place that he is well aware of so he respects them. We talk when either is feeling stressed and anxious about anything and that has been going really well. He hated how he reacted, and your program (along with some other therapy and self reflection) is helping immensely. Thank you.Spouse of Healed Being graduate
I just wanted you to know that I thoroughly enjoyed the lessons and Q and A provided by this course. I have gotten a lot of out them and believe the information is helpful in making real change. I continue to listen to your podcasts… I have reached a point where I am now focusing less on my abusive behavior from the past and on just trying to be a better person in the present… Thanks for all you do. Keep it up.D.B. (Graduate of the Healed Being course)
Paul Colaianni’s lessons… are the most helpful thing and haven’t steered me wrong at all!!!J.K.
My wife has been showing lots of love towards me. I have made myself more present in her and my daughters lives. Being more present and doing more for her and with her… She has told me a couple times now that she likes that I’m stable. I’m continuing with the lessons and trying to better myself. Praying that her love for me stays. And I never go back to my old self. Thanks paul for this program and support you get.R.A.
I thought I had no hope until I found this program and wish I found it many years ago. I am focused on my emotional healing and health so I can have healthy relationships… I am working the program and already seeing my behavior in a new light. I am now focused on supporting her and giving her space while improving how I parent. I have so much anxiety I can barely breath. But the first four lessons have helped with that and helping me to see what’s best for her. I hope I can heal and be much more truly loving toward her.R.E.
Through this program, since she put her foot down, I’ve been opening up… I’m writing shit down, re-reading it. Studying Paul’s lessons, and actually following his advice. Before this, I read a ton of self help books. I tried religion for years. None of it helped. This program is the only thing that has actually made sense to me… Im grateful for this group, I read every post. Im grateful for the healed being discussion forum, i read all of it too… I’m glad we have this group to help each other.R.K.
It feels so good to have someone who has been through this, that does what you do, that podcasts, etc… You get it and I feel that. Thank you.B.A.
I thank you and appreciate all the knowledge you share and with medication, meditation and counseling my brain is actually functioning more like a normal person than it ever has in my life. I look forward to continuing your lessons at a slower pace, you have explained things to me that no one else has been able to articulate 😀L.B.
Thanks for all your help and support Paul. It’s opened my eyes to my relationship problems and how my behaviour has contributed to where I am now.C.C.
I can tell Ive made progress so I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart… Today when those manipulative thoughts come up its a lot easier to do something different in the moment, and they are less too. I can still tell I am not perfect yet both mentally and physically… but thankful I am on the healing part of it. I am in a much better place and have a lot better control over it so again, thank you, you have no idea what your work means to me.J.S.
Thank you Paul. I have come a long way with months now without a drink, getting back into shape again, and most importantly, improved listening. Listening by simple gestures of eye contact, engagement, and proper intent that is not self serving. Your lessons have helped me in countless ways to look within myself, and have the courage needed to accept, maybe even embrace my past for the purpose of charting a new future… Thank you for being part of my “healing” journey and giving me the tools, insight, and courage to keep fighting.C.L.
Just gotta say, your program/podcasts have meant a lot to me. And really contributed to my awareness and acceptance of my behaviors. Thank you!R.K.
I thank you so very much for opening up my mind and perspectives and helping to keep my focus internal on self-healing rather than overly focusing on trying to mend a broken relationship. It has helped immensely, and frankly has put me in a much healthier place in my life… Thank you for your words and responses. I’ve mentioned how your program has helped me multiple times and will continue to guide anyone towards your podcasts and program that may feel emotional contention in their relationships.T.V.
I wanted to reach out personally to you to say “Thank YOU!” This program really changed my life and how I think about relationships. I’ve learned so much about myself… I have learned to see the signs of an abusive relationship and now fully understand what a trauma bond [is]. Your words of encouragement and lessons have truly been a guiding force for me. When I was going through my worst part of the breakup, your words spoke directly to me – as if you were right there with me 😊I feel, as I am embarking on a new and MUCH fuller relationship, I have the tools to 1- see any red flags and deal with them, and more importantly, 2 – recognize when I start to go down that abusive path. It’s working daily that definitely helps me become a better man. Thanks again!M.G.
Thank you for everything!!! I have my bumps but you basically saved my relationship with [wife’s name]!!! …sometimes I read lessons 2-3 times and still pull awesome information out of them that didn’t seem to jump out at me the time before.L.W.
I just finished lesson 7, Humility. I never understood the whole walking on Eggshells. I have totally been doing that thinking I was honoring my wife but in turn really being passive aggressive about the whole thing.. I need to be myself. She can choose to believe or accept me. I need to keep remembering I can do real damage to those that I love, but I’m choosing to change. This lesson really helped me today. It answered a lot of questions I have had about my self. Thank Paul Colaianni for taking the time to help us all out.P.R.
All the things Paul predicts have happened… I’ve felt hopeless and lost, I feel guilt and shame like never before. I’ve been so mean to her for so long and convinced her that every problem we have is her fault… But I’m feeling somewhat victorious in that through all this, I haven’t been abusive, hurtful, or even defensive. Not once. And let me tell you, breaking away from the cycle of pointing fingers, blaming, defending, hurting, has been so fucking liberating!!! I find so much peace and freedom in finally owning my shit, and accepting that I’m an abuser… I personally celebrate small victories now.J.R.
I remembered what Paul has taught and told her that’s not my place to tell her how to react or behave. That she should be able to feel free to respond however she chooses, without fear of being hurt by me… It was for me one of the first times in our marriage where I didn’t try to rob her of her freedom to be herself, or punish her for her behaviors… Whatever the outcome of our relationship, I will be a better man working thru this program, focusing on my behaviors, and simply not being the hurtful, manipulative asshole that I’ve been for years.J.K.
I want you to know this was better than what I had expected… I’m super dedicated to working out my internal issues. I think what you have going is what the world needs. Brilliantly done… I appreciate this. I appreciate what you have created.P.T.
I truly appreciate the work you put into this program. It’s really given me a perspective that has prevented our family from fracturing further, given us a chance for reconciliation after had a toxic relationship.R.K.
[Just started program] I am leaning stuff already and I see myself in a lot of things you point out you’re so right with so much… already I see a change in my wife towards me, she is still a long way off but I noticed my behaviour is better… thank you so much for being such a great instructor I am looking forward to lesson 3A.C.
Big victory and big progress… we’ve been doing really well, and especially me. I’m not nearly as triggered by the small things that used to keep me mildly seething all the time. I’ve changed my pattern of behavior so now text messages from me no longer cause anxiety in my wife… I’m obviously not a perfectly healed being yet, but she acknowledges how much “lighter” I seem… She feels closer to me now than she’s felt in years. Walking around triggered all the time is not fun… The best part? The changes I’ve made feel more natural, like a veil has lifted and I’m finally the real me again.P.W.
Somehow you seem to really get what the motivation behind my emotionally abusive behaviors are. I never would have considered myself an abusive person because I was a “good person”. However, my husband reached his give up point. He’s mad. He’s hurt. He has no idea who he is anymore. And I feel awful. Each of your lessons really help me dig into the ways I’m responsible for hurting him and creating a toxic relationship.S.C.
You’ve already saved me, Paul… thank you, brother.J.C.
…you meet us where we are and offer good words. Not necessarily encouragement but the words we need to hear, when we need to hear them most. I get more out of this [support] group and program than I ever do with therapy. My therapist loves to say “oh it’s ok to feel that way” and “marriage is a two way street she’s probably wrong about something”. Never saying things that I might actually need to hear, the truth, how to cope with it and how to respond to it.T.G.
This program has changed my life. It got me out of a horrible relationship and made me feel I’ve changed myself enough to find someone great.M.M.
My wife and I have come a long way… she has forgiven me and even gotten past the hate that was there at times. I attribute it to the lessons you have provided and the clarity I have seen by not drinking…C.L.
…your program is incredibly helpful. In situation after situation I am able to use the tools you provide to prevent me from approaching things with a flame thrower. [My partner] has moved back in. We have re-connected on a much deeper and higher level for sure. It has the buzz of when we first met… I do every lesson and read every Q&A. I love it and THANK YOU!!!!!J.W.
…finding Paul’s website has been nothing short of a miracle for me and I’m not the religious type. Everything in all the lessons and Q&A’s give me more insight into why I’ve done the things I’ve done and why my wife is feeling the way she is. I’m so thankful to have a space like this to vent, no one knows what’s going on with us and the only person I talk to is my therapist so thank you everyone for “listening” I appreciate you all. Paul thank you for creating this community.M.C.
I am continuing to grow and complete your exercises and develop healthier coping mechanisms. I am now more aware of when I feel triggered in already two sessions with your program which is key and in turn I tell him I’m triggered and we talk about it. Knowing your out there has greatly helped me not feel so alone and almost forgive myself in a way and believe in the changes I can make. Thank you ?U.P.
I wanted to reach out again to say thank you for sending the continued lessons! I have never received “self help ” or maybe the better word might be “truth ” well. Your lessons continue to be helpful and allow the rebuilding of my marriage, that I previously mentioned… came about as close to divorce as we could get! We have been both implementing parts of your lessons into our relationship to make the last 7 months go by so well that we are now considering moving back in together… Thanks again… we both appreciate the difference your lessons have made in both of our lives!R.M.
Thank you so much for all the support and help throughout these lessons. Honestly, it has been some of the best learnings and reflection I could have had… one of the most important things I have learned is patience in listening and vulnerability. Both have been key in our situation improving, and even with challenging times that will be ahead as part of any relationship, I am learning how to apply these changes everyday.C.L.
I am a participant of your Healed Being program. I am so glad that I stumbled upon you, and that you provide all of these amazing resources.K.V.
Thanks so much for this. it’s saving my life. i think i knew it all along, but never knew (a) how to admit it, and (b) how to start stopping, if that makes sense. when she steered me here, it was a relief.D.L.
Each lesson from the emails was almost exactly what I needed to hear or what I was going through. And when I had questions or needed feedback I came to this awesome group.B.H.
I’m on lesson 6 and for anyone that wants to know for reference, this has been transformational, already. I know my work must continue and will continue as I absolutely love the results.J.W.
I’m starting to feel more confident.. Yesterday, I can tell that my wife is trusting me a little bit more even though she says she can’t trust me. We had a wonderful night… She was cuddling with when usually she’s on her side. Yesterday was the best day we had in a long time… I’m noticing a shift in me. Your podcasts and lessons helped me so much. Thank you!!!K.T.
Thanks for the lessons and information which I’m finding invaluable and really starting to make a positive difference in my life!D.W.
I wanted to reach out and say thank you for these lessons. My wife almost left me this year. It was the hardest time in my life… We have recently reconnected. I thought there was no chance. I started your lessons a few weeks after she left. Because of your lessons and some other healing I have been trying, I feel I’m going to be able to show up the right way for her this time. Thank you so much for sending these lessons every week, they have made a profound difference in my life.R.M.
I’m so thankful I came across you and your resources. It’s so worth the investment, and already in the last 48hrs I’m feeling better and supported through this group here.C.L.
Thank-you for this latest lesson, Paul. It is very timely for meJ.Y.
Your course has been such a blessing for me in this time in my life. I have received therapy with different psychologist from different disciplines but i have never felt that someone really helped me or really grasped the problem. Most of my psychologist never really believed i was emotionally abusive and it has been a relief to read you. I wanted to Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving me Hope that all can change… They [the lessons] have helped me immensely, i was so lost specially before i read lesson 37 about patience… I did not understand why when I have changed so much the other person is so angry, more reactive and distant than ever. I read that lesson everyday to ease the pain am feeling and i cant Thank you enough for that.D.J.
[Result of Lesson 5 on Focus]: When my wife asked to give her space it was very hard but after a few weeks of almost no communication… SHE started approaching me.C.M.
I’m so thankful I came across you and your resources. It’s so worth the investment, and already in the last 48hrs I’m feeling better and supported through this [support] group hereJ.L.
Just wanted to share a small proud moment I had… I reflected on previous lessons about accepting what our partners do even if we don’t agree with it. So when she got back… I told her that it sounded like it would be something she would really enjoy and she should do it. She kind of paused for a moment. Then she said she thought the conversation was going to go differently. She thought I was going to lecture her with a bunch of reasons not to do it. I was equally proud of myself and ashamed. Proud that I had made a positive change but ashamed that she was conditioned to feel that way about my behavior. I have a long way to go… [but] having the space to think about my response was huge.C.T.
I was doing all the things that emotional abuser was being described as and I honestly didn’t even realize it. So I wanted to thank you for giving me much needed perspective and realizations. I have a very long way to go to repair and move forward with this relationship, but I always will have this epiphany to take with me in any future relationship.T.S..
I’m really getting so much out of this program and have been going through each lesson thoroughly. Been journaling every day and my support group is solid. I definitely have felt a change in myself throughout this… I know I’m getting better and deserve SO much better.M.G.
…thank you for providing a helpful touchstone by creating this site, and all its various points of reference, for those of us who are seeking support.A.W.
I so appreciate this [support] forum to find a tiny bit of sanity.M.C.
Thanks Paul for taking the time to put this [discussion] forum together. It took a long time to realise I had a problem. I think that for many of us we don’t want to be labeled as “bad people/narcissists/emotional abusers, ect.” by the ones who’s love we are losing by my abusive behavior; I spent so much time being defensive and “pushing back” that I did not hear that my mate was hurting… I am doing better, with your Healed Being program, and also a couple of years of a great counselor and of course prayer. I don’t know if the relationship can be saved but in the meantime the healing continues.W.C.
thanks for the opportunity to help me and help me become a better person this is all new to me as I never thought I was a abusive person but now is the time where I know all the help I need is here.L.Q.
I cried when I admitted out loud to myself that I was an emotional abuser. I apologized sincerely for how I was showing up in the relationship. I’m still grieving the break up but have taken this as a bottoming out point to get better, solve my childhood wounds and learn to heal. My ex moved away and we haven’t been in contact. I really miss her but I take responsibility for what happened and I really appreciate you running this course so I can become more self aware and heal. Thank you!C.J.
I am so happy that I’ve found this group. Thanks to Paul for sharing and helping others heal. I had no idea how much of a controlling abuser I was. Your story is mine. I want to get better.H.H.
My coworker said to me that he noticed a real change in me at work, that I seemed happier and less on edgeA.T.
I really got a lot from Lesson 10 Paul, thank you…. changing my approach to not be hurtful and to try and bring her closer. To engage her and get her to open up, in hopes that ignites her sense of closeness with me… I have all kinds of confidence… I believe in it and myself. Thank you again!B.H.
As I progress intentionally and painfully through your highly productive and worthwhile program, I am seeing progress and for that, I thank you.W.W.
Things are well and moving positively… In this process, it was possible to identify and agree that both parties needed to change things in a humble way to give the relationship an opportunity. I am focusing on myself to change some behaviours that made my partner feel bad but at the same time I am healing from a situation of trust in which she was involved. Things are moving in a positive way.A.C..
These lessons have been invaluable to me and I can’t thank you enough. I am learning so much about myself and my toxic behavior. I have a long way to go but at least I can see the road now.W.M.
I just joined Healed Being because your free email series really helped me and I saw improvement in my relating with my boyfriend. When the emails [trial] ended, I again saw a change in our relationship… your perspective is valuable.W. J.
Your lessons 5 and 6 were spot on and made a huge impact in my beliefs and thinking. I look forward to continuing the journey, regardless of its difficulty.B.H.
One of my clients was referred to this, and he has begun the work using it… I really like what you have said, and your approach… Just wanted to let you know this and say how much I appreciate what you offer and will be referring people to you.”Licensed Professional Counselor – C.G.
This is helping me immensely. Learning how to start climbing out of this hole I’ve dug most of my life is all new to me and I’m struggling a lot. I’m committing myself every day to becoming a healthy man. Thank you again and I look forward to each new lesson in your program.C.M.
Really love how you have examples and definitions to really explain the behavior. I can relate. Thank you. I look forward to your future emails.G.G.
I just joined Healed Being because your free email series really helped me and I saw improvement in my relating with my boyfriend. When the [free] emails ended, I again saw a change in our relationship, back to where it was before I discovered your work. That let me know your perspective is valuable.W.J.
Appreciate the messages and insights very much, like thoughtful breadcrumbs, a previous traveler, seeds my path… I have found value in these offerings you have made available to me and my wife feels the same.K.B.
…many of the ideas or lessons you sent I think will help allow me to look differently at the way I respond or allow them to take over ( or not take over ) my thoughts . Thanks again , I’m happy I was encouraged to look into your lessons.R.M.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you have built here…. I am so thankful for your helpT.R.
Your material, meditation, and psychological support have been valuable and useful to identify the issues, causes and improve areas that made me a better person. In this process, it was possible to identify and agree that both parties needed to change things in a humble way to give the relationship an opportunity. I am focusing on myself to change some behaviours that made my partner feel bad but at the same time I am healing from a situation of trust in which she was involved. Things are moving in a positive way and of course it is too early to say what it would happen in the future. I am happy to continue with the subscription.A.R.
Paul, I just read your article “My Healing Journey from Being an Emotional Abuser.” And I’ve never felt more impacted by text in my life. I have to thank you for your vulnerability, honesty, and insight. I too have been an emotional abuser. I also have felt the need to vomit from my own behavior once I’ve realized how destructive I’ve been. I don’t know that I have the words to express the waves of emotion and realization that hit me when going through some of your thoughts but I took many, many screenshots and will be reading this article many more times. Thank you sincerely.D.S.