The Healed Being Program

A step-by-step program for the emotionally abusive person who wants to change

Healed Being Program for the emotional abuser that wants to change

Start the healing journey of learning how to stop hurting those you love. Healed Being will help you free yourself of the need to control and change others. 

It’s a challenging path, but the rewards last a lifetime. Sign up below to get your first four email lessons free (No credit card required). 

    I was an emotional abuser. 

    Honestly, it sucks to admit that. It’s embarrassing. Who wants to say they’re an “abuser”? It’s a word filled with so many horrible images. Yet, I was. And after several failed relationships, and finally a divorce, I had to admit I was a hurtful person in order to start healing and changing my ways. 

    I have learned how to not only stop my emotionally abusive behaviors, but also heal from the emotional triggers that caused them in the first place. I truly feel like a different person today. 

    I created Healed Being so that you can learn how to stop emotionally abusive behavior and begin developing healthier coping strategies for difficult situations. In just the first few lessons, you’ll be able to start creating changes in yourself right away. 

    When you start changing, people will notice.

    Hurting people we love is a path to loneliness. And sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know, so you may not even realize how some of your behaviors are hurtful. 

    My goal is to give you the best chance at healing yourself and creating the strongest relationships possible. Hundreds of people have taken the program and they are seeing real, positive changes in themselves.

    Read the testimonials. I get them every week.  

    My goal is to give you everything you need to show up as the best version of yourself. When you are no longer carrying around the burden of wanting to control or change other people, your whole life changes.  

    Sign up using the form above and you’ll get the first four lessons for free, along with two bonus Q&As (member questions I answer in the program). 

    You’ll be provided the option to purchase membership into the full program when the lessons start. There’s no obligation or pressure to purchase when you are done with the complimentary lessons. Do what feels most comfortable to you. 

    Scroll down for full program details

    Feedback on the Healed Being program

    “Thank you for everything!!! I have my bumps but you basically saved my relationship!!! …sometimes I read lessons 2-3 times and still pull awesome information out of them that didn’t seem to jump out at me the time before.” -L.W..W.

    THANK YOU Paul for shedding light on something that I think was “modeled” to me and NEVER even known. My Mother would control through silence and withdrawal of love. Your candor with your own experiences helps me by giving me strength to admit my flaws… it is the best therapy I have ever had.. and I’ve had A LOT!-M.K.

    Lesson 14 is right on the money… This is the phase we are in, in our healing: giving each other space, or more precisely, giving my wife the space to regain herself. I entered your program to save my marriage, but it is a much larger journey to save not only our relationship, but to keep on improving as a person.” -T.R.

    Quick Tip

    When healing from being emotionally abusive, keep the focus on yourself. If you don’t, you suffer.

    If you continually focus on someone else, waiting for them to change, you typically stay in a suffering state. The need to control or change someone else is a burden to hold on to. And unless you have good coping skills, that burden will come out in destructive ways toward those you care about most. 

    It’s important to stay focused on you and your own progress and behavior, not theirs. If you put your focus back on them, waiting for them to change for you, you’ll find yourself repeating the same behaviors that got you here in the first place. 

    There’s a lot more to this in a future lesson, but I wanted to give you a head start.  

    The Healed Being Program Includes: 

    • Powerful, sometimes even life-changing lessons sent to you via email every 3 to 5 days. In each lesson, I help you identify and heal old, unhealthy patterns of behavior and walk you through the steps you need to take to create noticeable changes right away. 

    • Detailed Q&As containing my answers to the questions you and other members ask, sent every few days in between regular lessons to help you keep your forward momentum.

    • Insights drawn from the conversations I’ve had with victims of emotional abuse. It can be helpful for you to understand both sides of the equation, which can be a healing process in itself.

    • private support group and discussion board to ask questions and seek guidance directly from me and other members of the program. Non-members cannot see who’s in the group. It’s completely secure. You even have the option to post anonymously.

      The lessons and Q&As alone will answer most of your questions, but the conversations we have in the support group will help to fill in the gaps of anything you’re still stuck on. 

    There’s no credit card required to sign up for your complimentary lessons and Q&As. Use the form above to get started right away. The first few lessons are a good jumpstart to stopping hurtful behaviors and you might find they are enough to create some lasting change.

    During the trial period, you’ll have the option to purchase and receive the benefits of the full program listed above. Otherwise, do nothing and the trial will stop on lesson 4 automatically. But know that after lesson 4, the lessons get more specific and more impactful. 

    The full Healed Being Program is $49 / month. This includes the lessons, Q&As, and direct access to me and other members through the support group.

    After signing up, you should get a welcome email from me within 24 hours. If you don't get it, check your spam folder or reach out to me using the contact form below.

    Yes, the emotional abuser can change.

    I spent most of my life as an emotionally abusive person, mainly toward my romantic partners. It took several failed relationships and a divorce to finally come to the conclusion that I was hurtful, manipulative, and controlling and that I needed to do something about it.

    If you’ve come to a similar conclusion or think you might have some emotionally abusive tendencies and you would like to stop hurting the closest people in your life, add your first name and email to the form above. You’ll get the first four lessons free and start a journey that will give you the tools and resources you need right away.

    Each lesson contains valuable exercises, thought-changing processes, and important questions upon which to reflect so that you can start making changes to not only feel less triggered but also create stronger, healthier relationships.

    Emotional abuse is destructive to the relationship. The person receiving the hurtful behavior will eventually want to be away from the person hurting them, if not physically, emotionally. The emotional distancing others do with you because of your behavior can make you feel even worse. 

    Emotional abuse can also be stressful and burdensome to the perpetrator as well. But I’ve laid out the exact steps you need to take to improve yourself and your relationships. If you’re willing to do whatever it takes to heal from being emotionally abusive, you’ll free yourself from the continuous stress of needing or wanting to control those around you. 

    After you sign up, a new lesson will be sent every 3 to 7 days, along with a Q&A in between, to help you make changes in your life. 

    I can honestly say that I have healed from almost all of the deeper emotional wounds that have caused me to be hurtful to those I love. I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m definitely not. But I no longer feel the need to subject anyone to my old emotionally abusive behavior. 

    My healing journey has changed my life. I feel like the weight of a huge burden has been let go. I want you to experience huge changes in yourself and your relationships as well. 

    My personal transformation story out of emotionally abusive behavior is here. You might even learn something life-changing in that article alone as I describe in detail what I did to heal.

    You can and will find healing.

    So many people sign up for this program wanting to save their relationship. I am positive that the Healed Being program is the best chance you have at doing that.

    Unfortunately, not every relationship can be saved. If you are on the verge of losing an important relationship, the good news is that if there’s still love in their heart, there’s a chance. And you will have all the tools you need to give yourself the best chance possible.

    If you’ve already lost an important relationship, healing from old, toxic patterns of behavior will make starting a new one an entirely different experience if that’s your goal. Some people join without the goal of starting a new relationship or saving an existing one. Some are just on a personal journey, wanting to improve themselves. 

    This program not only helps you become the best version of you but also teaches you what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. When you start healing, you will also start noticing certain patterns of behavior in others that might be deemed as emotionally abusive. This is where your personal values and boundaries are important to know, which I also cover. 

    Stay strong throughout this journey. You’ll need a lot of emotional resilience as you discover and reflect on the many reasons you may do hurtful behavior.

    Shortly after signing up, you’ll get the first of the four complementary lessons within a few hours. Within a span of about two weeks, you’ll get three more.

    In lesson 4, I hope you decide to continue your journey. The lessons become more impactful and will make a huge difference in your life and relationships.

    In the full program, you can ask me and others questions in the support group. You’ll be able to see what other questions were asked as well and find out that almost everyone is going through the same thing.

    You don’t have to be alone as you go through this. I and other members have been through this and can understand and empathize with what you’re feeling and thinking. 

    I look forward to connecting with you soon. Even if you choose not to purchase the full program, at least sign up for the first four lessons. There may be something in those lessons that change everything for you. 

    I wish you much strength and healing on your journey. If you have any questions about the program, use the contact form below.

    Stay strong. 


    Make sure to tune into my podcast Love and Abuse for more on emotional abuse and manipulative behavior. 

    Paul Colaianni

    Behavior and Relationship Coach
    Host of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse

    “I wanted to reach out and say thank you for these lessons. My wife almost left me this year. It was the hardest time in my life… We have recently reconnected. I thought there was no chance. I started your lessons a few weeks after she left. Because of your lessons and some other healing I have been trying, I feel I’m going to be able to show up the right way for her this time. Thank you so much for sending these lessons every week, they have made a profound difference in my life.” -R.M.

    “I can tell Ive made progress so I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart… Today when those manipulative thoughts come up its a lot easier to do something different in the moment, and they are less too. I can still tell I am not perfect yet both mentally and physically… but thankful I am on the healing part of it. I am in a much better place and have a lot better control over it so again, thank you, you have no idea what your work means to me.” -J.S.