Becoming the person they feel safe with & want to be close to
Helping individuals make positive, permanent changes so that they stop pushing people they love away.
If you don’t receive an email after you sign up check your junk mail or let me know.
Can the relationship be saved?
Yes, but it's not easy after years of emotionally destructive behavior. Healed Being breaks down the behaviors that cause separation and hurt to give those wanting to change the best chance as saving the relationship.
I want to thank you for all of your help. We just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary… We are continuing our conversations regarding our relationship together with your help and insights. I have much more to thank you for and after completing your program.
I used to be an emotionally destructive person.
Healing from being like this was the hardest journey of my life. I had none of the right relationship tools growing up so I messed up… a lot.
After so much heartbreak, I finally accepted that I needed to start doing something different or I’d never be able to keep a relationship. So I committed to doing whatever it took to make sure I never fell back into old, unhealthy patterns of behavior.
I learned from all of my mistakes and I now feel better than ever. Plus, I’m in the longest, best relationship of my life.
I created Healed Being to help you learn everything there is to know about how to stop emotionally destructive behaviors in a relationship and start changing into a person others want to be near.
“Change or else!”
This is the most common reason people join Healed Being. The good news is that this program will change you – almost immediately.
You start shedding the harmful behaviors and start learning what healthy behaviors look like – even if you believe you already know. Yes, you’ll have a lot of A-ha moments.
I've been where you may be right now.
My partner and I are dating again, which is really weird… now that the actual healing is taking hold I feel it could actually stop forever!… I’m becoming the man, husband and the father I have always wanted to be and your lessons have been key in the healing process.
What Members Are Saying
I’m reaching out to thank you because your AI chat feature (the Virtual Coach) helped me achieve a breakthrough... I yelled and cursed at my mother... This led to us not talking to each other for over a week... I got the idea to write her an apology letter, and your AI chat helped me craft it. I hand wrote it and left it on her bedside table... she read it and came to me in my bedroom in tears... She said she accepts my apology... I’m telling you all this to thank you for helping me achieve what feels like a breakthrough in vulnerability and communication with my mom because this moment was in great part thanks to your AI chat feature.
...I know I’m not supposed to use the bot as a replacement for therapy but it’s definitely an enormous help... I am actively in therapy once a week and I was accessing the bot 2 to 3 times a week. Pretty amazing tool.
Paul Colaianni
Emotional Abuse Expert
Behavior & Relationship Specialist
Author of The M.E.A.N. Workbook and
The Overwhelmed Brain
Host of the Love and Abuse podcast
Host of The Overwhelmed Brain podcast
Healed Being and Healed Being Online Complete are not substitutes for professional medical or psychological advice. Seek the guidance of a mental health professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
Subscription: You’ll receive a new lesson every three days, plus Q&As in between, for just over seven months (75 lessons total). You can cancel anytime.
Lifetime: You get immediate access to all 75 lessons right away and can go at your own pace.
When will I see results?
Most people notice big changes within the first few weeks. The first 20 lessons build your foundation, and the rest help you avoid slipping back into old patterns. Everything you learn and apply creates lasting change.
Which option is right for me?
- Choose Subscription if you want lessons delivered at a steady pace with time to absorb and apply each one.
- Choose Lifetime if you want all the material now and prefer to work at your own pace.
Both options give you immediate access to the online support group where you can connect with me and others in the program.
For more details on both options, click here.
Short answer: This program gives you the best chance to save your relationship after emotionally harmful behavior.
Long answer: It depends on whether they still have love in their heart for you.
If you’re truly committed to changing, applying the lessons, and they still love you, there’s a good chance the relationship can be saved.
But some people get pushed too far. When someone reaches their limit and seals their heart shut, reconciliation becomes very difficult. Not impossible, but difficult.
Unfortunately, some people join this program after they’ve already pushed their partner beyond their limit. If someone has completely closed their heart, it’s hard to come back from that. But as long as there’s still love somewhere, there’s a chance.
Here’s what matters most:
Keep working on yourself regardless of what happens with the relationship. Even if you’re losing them today, you don’t know what tomorrow or next year will bring. You might reconcile, or you might meet someone new and not want to lose that relationship either.
Focus on your own healing and growth. Show up as the best version of yourself, for yourself.
Start with the free lessons. They’ll give you a solid introduction to the material and help you decide if this program is right for you.
If you resonate with the testimonials from people who’ve gone through the program, you’ll likely benefit from Healed Being too.
Not sure yet?
Sign up for the subscription for one month. That will give you a clear sense of the changes happening in your life. If you don’t see the results you’re hoping for, you can cancel anytime.
If you answered yes to any of the questions in the assessment earlier on this page, you’ll definitely find the program valuable.
Start with the subscription or get Healed Being Online Complete for immediate access to all 75 lessons.
You can always upgrade from subscription to lifetime later. Either way, you’ll start seeing results as soon as you begin.
I maintain a very limited roster for one-on-one clients to ensure the highest level of focus and intensity.
This path is for those who want an accelerated, deep-dive approach to their specific situation in a confidential setting.
To inquire about private sessions: Send an email to paul@healedbeing.com with the subject line “private sessions” and a brief summary of your goals/challenges.
The feedback has been incredible. This program works, and people reach out constantly to share their wins, breakthroughs, and gratitude.
Yes. It’s called Healed Being Online Complete. Full details here.
No. It’s very easy. Every email has a “Cancel Program” link at the bottom.
I hate subscriptions that are hard to cancel, so you won’t get that here. No cancellation department. No one begging you to stay.
You’ll know when it’s time to move forward on your own.
The Q&As are my responses to specific questions about relationships and behavior. They’re valuable lessons on their own and may address something you’re going through right now.
Over the years, I’ve received hundreds of questions about emotionally harmful behavior. I turn each one into a Q&A lesson so everyone can benefit.
I continue to get questions from both sides of these relationships and write new Q&As regularly. If you purchase Healed Being Online Complete, you get lifetime access to all current and future Q&As, plus lifetime access to the online support group.
If you’re physically abusive and want to change, I’m glad you’re taking this step. Your life and relationships will benefit enormously.
Three things must be true for real change to happen:
- You admit you have a problem (and truly believe it, not just say it because someone told you to)
- You genuinely want to change and heal what’s driving the behavior
- You step into humility and accept that you’ve been wrong about a lot of things
Number 3 is usually the hardest. For me, it meant learning that relationships aren’t about controlling the other person but about letting go of control. I believed if I couldn’t control people, I’d be hurt or unhappy. So I stayed in control, which meant staying abusive.
Physical abuse stems from emotional abuse.
Controlling takes many forms: covert manipulation, guilting, belittling, invalidating. Physical abuse is an extension of that control, where you believe the way to avoid discomfort is by physically overpowering someone.
Healed Being addresses the origins of your emotional triggers and the upset under the behaviors. It helps you understand what you’re doing that leads to abuse and gives you tools to show up differently.
However, you should also work with a therapist or professional who specializes in domestic violence or anger management. Physical abuse can involve knee-jerk fight-or-flight reactions that require one-on-one professional support alongside this program.
Will this program work for physical abusers?
It will help because it addresses the origins of abusive behavior. I’ve had physical abusers in the program who gained a lot from the lessons and support group, and all have stopped their physically abusive behaviors.
Will it stop you from being physically abusive?
It may, but only a professional can assess that. If you’ve been physically abusive, use this program in conjunction with professional help.
What’s most important?
You have to want to stop so badly that you’re willing to suffer discomfort and get results you don’t want. Your healing and change must become priorities over your fear of what might happen if you let go of control.
Here’s the truth:
Abusers don’t want to be unhappy or uncomfortable. Stopping abusive behaviors means accepting that you’ll likely feel unhappy and uncomfortable as you go through this process.
But what you may not realize is that when you stop the controlling and abusive behaviors, the unhappiness and discomfort you fear will very likely never happen at all.
The fear of what could happen is what keeps people abusive. If you weren’t afraid of what might happen if you let go of controlling another person, would you still be abusive? That’s a question worth reflecting on.
At a minimum, sign up for the free lessons. You’ll learn very quickly if you resonate with what I teach. If you do, you’ll know the rest of the program will be valuable to you.
No matter what, never stop pursuing healing from this.
The second email in the free lesson series outlines the price of both the subscription and full course.
The second email arrives about an hour after the first, so you’ll get it shortly.
Both the subscription and full course give you immediate access to the online support group where you can connect with me and others in the program.
Which should you choose?
- Subscription if you want lessons delivered at a steady pace with time to absorb and apply each one
- Lifetime if you want all the material now and prefer to work at your own pace
Both are effective and life-changing.
If you’re ready to buy right away
Start with the free lessons. They’ll give you a solid introduction to the material and help you see if this program is right for you.
The subscription is also the most budget-friendly option.
For about the price of a single therapy session, you get an entire month of lessons, Q&As, and direct access to me and others in the online support group.
Want more free content while you’re deciding?
I host two podcasts:
The Overwhelmed Brain – Helps you make good decisions, become emotionally intelligent, and create great relationships.
Love and Abuse – Focuses on emotionally harmful relationships and how to deal with hurtful behavior. Many episodes offer guidance for those doing the harm as well.
Both are effective. The right choice depends on your budget, learning style, and timeline.
Choose Subscription if:
- You prefer lessons delivered at a steady pace with time to absorb and apply each one
- You want a couple of days between lessons to gauge your progress and observe results
- You prefer getting emails over working through an online course at your own pace
- You’re watching your budget
Choose Lifetime (Healed Being Online Complete) if:
- You want all 75 lessons immediately and prefer to set your own pace
- You want lifetime access to the Virtual Coach (AI chatbot trained on everything I know)
- You want lifetime access to the online support group
- You have the budget and want to achieve results as quickly as possible
Both options give you immediate access to the online support group where I reply to every post.
Absolutely. After you sign up for the free lessons, reply to any email. It comes directly to me.
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