That’s a good question. A lot of people struggle to understand how their behaviors can be considered “abusive.” So I developed a short set of questions to help you figure out if you might be doing emotionally abusive behaviors. 

Your answers to these questions will help you determine if you need this program or not. 

If you purchase the Healed Being Subscription, you’ll get a new lesson every three days. In between each lesson, you’ll get a new Q&A as well. New lessons and Q&As will continue to be sent to you for just over seven months.

If you apply just the first few lessons, you’re going to notice big changes, and so will others. That means you could learn enough in the first couple of months to make major progress in your healing and growth – and maybe even your relationship, if you’re working on that, too. 

The initial lessons help you discover what you’re doing wrong and give you specific steps to follow to show up as the best version of yourself. The first twenty or so lessons are the most important, as they help you create a solid foundation upon which you can build. 

The majority of the rest of the lessons are just as important, but they are designed to build upon your foundation to make sure you don’t slip back into old patterns. There’s a ton to learn, but once you apply what you learn, you’re going to see changes. 

Most people end up purchasing the lifetime Healed Being Online Complete, as it allows them to get all the lessons right away, and they can learn and apply what they’ve learned at their own pace.

You can choose the option that works best for you.

If you purchase Healed Being Online Complete, you’ll get immediate access to all 75 lessons, including existing and new Q&As as they’re released, lifetime access to the private online support and discussion groups, audio versions of the lessons, and more.

If you choose the subscription, you can cancel anytime you’re ready to venture out on your own. This is a true “cancel anytime” program. There is a cancel link at the bottom of every email (yes, it’s that easy to cancel if you need to for any reason.)

For more information on both options, click here.

The subscription is designed to send you lessons at the most effective pace to give you time to apply and observe the changes, and also see how your healing affects those around you.

The full Healed Being Online Complete course gives you all the material at once. This is for those who have the budget and are able to absorb the material and apply it at a pace that’s right for them. Plus you’ll have lifetime access to the online support group and the Virtual Coach (the AI chatbot that is continurally trained in everything I know).

Both the Subscription and Lifetime options are effective and life-changing. Which one you choose will depend on how fast you need the lessons to work through the challenges you’re facing and if you prefer the lifetime option or the monthly payments.

Both options will also give you access to the online support group right away, where you can connect directly with me and others in the program. Throughout your healing journey, you’ll always have a place to get your questions answered.

This is one of the most common questions I receive. The short answer is: If you’re looking to save your relationship after doing emotionally abusive behavior, this program will give you the best chance to make that happen.

In my experience, when you’re truly committed to changing your behavior and healing any unhealthy coping mechanisms you may have, and you’re applying all the lessons, and they still have love in their heart for you, there is a good chance the relationship can be saved.

The long answer, however, is much more complicated. As I said, it really depends if they still have love in their heart for you. Some people are just pushed too far over the edge, and there’s no coming back for them. When someone reaches their limit and they seal their heart shut, they usually aren’t willing to try any harder or travel any farther to reconnect with you.

That’s not always the case, of course. Some are willing to unlock the seal they’ve put on their heart and let you in again. It all depends on your particular circumstances and just how far the hurtful behavior has gone.

Unfortunately, some people who join this program have already pushed someone they care about beyond their limit. It’s very difficult to reconcile after someone has closed their heart off completely. But again, as long as there is still love in there somewhere, there is a chance.

Everyone has their limits. And everyone is different in how they feel about reconnecting and making the relationship work. 

No matter what, always continue to work on yourself. Even if you know for sure you are losing the relationship today, you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or next year. You may reconcile with them or not. Or you may connect with someone new and you don’t want to lose that relationship either.

Just focus on your own healing and growth to show up as the best version of yourself.

Signing up for the free lessons will give you a great start to your healing journey. It will also give you a good taste of the learning material and what to expect going forward.

I get a lot of feedback from those who are taking or have already gone through the program, so if you resonate with what they’re saying, you will likely benefit from Healed Being as well.

I encourage you to at least sign up for the free lessons. If you aren’t sure if you should continue the program after that, sign up for the subscription for one month. That will give you a good measurement of the changes in your life.

If you don’t see the results you’re hoping to see, use the Cancel Program at the bottom of any lesson. You can stop anytime.

If, however, you answered yes to any of these questions, you will definitely find the program valuable and I’d recommend starting the subscription or purchasing Healed Being Online Complete to get all the lessons at once.

If you start the subscription, you can always upgrade to Healed Being Online Complete later. With either option, you’ll start to see results that will improve many aspects of your life as soon as you begin.

Yes. It’s called Healed Being Online Complete. Full details on that here.

No. It’s very easy. At the bottom of every email you get from me, you’ll see a Cancel Program link.

Honestly, I hate subscriptions that are hard to cancel, so you won’t get that here. You won’t get sent to a cancellation department. You won’t get anyone begging you to stay.

I trust that you’ll know when it’s time for you to move forward on your own.

The Q&As are my responses to specific questions on relationships and behavior. These are valuable lessons in themselves and may address something specific you’re going through. 

Over the years, I’ve received a lot of questions regarding abusive and hurtful behavior. For each question I receive, I turn it into a Q&A lesson for everyone to benefit from.

I continue to get questions from both sides of emotionally abusive relationships and write up new Q&As all the time. If you purchased the full Healed Being Online course, you will have access to all current and future Q&As for life, along with lifetime access to the online support and discussion groups.

If you are physically abusive and you want to change that about yourself, I’m so glad you are willing to take the steps to do so. I’m sure you know just how much your life and relationships will benefit because of it. 

This is a complex topic, so I’ll do my best to address it below.

When a person who abuses, whether emotionally or physically, wants to stop the behaviors and heal the underlying issues, three important criteria have to exist:

1. They have to admit they have a problem (and believe it – not just say it because someone told them to)
2. They have to want to change and heal what makes them abusive in the first place
3. They have to step into humility and accept that they have been wrong about a lot of things (that’s usually the hardest part)

Numbers 1 and 2 make sense. Number 3, however, can throw a lot of people off.

For me, number 3 was about learning that relationships weren’t about controlling the other person but about letting go of control. That was so hard! It was probably the hardest step to take on my healing journey because I believed if I couldn’t control the people around me, I thought for sure that I’d either be hurt or unhappy or both.

No matter what, I didn’t want to feel that way, so I made sure to stay in control so that my discomfort or unhappiness would never occur. That meant staying abusive.

Controlling takes many forms. It can be covert manipulations, subtle or overt guilting, and making the other person feel they are the problem.

It can happen by belittling and invalidating another person to keep them focused on constantly trying to fix themselves instead of admitting you need to “fix” yourself.

And controlling can also extend into physical abuse, where you believe the way to avoid discomfort and unhappiness is by physically overpowering another person so that they must comply with what you want them to do.

The physical abuse part is usually where the line is drawn for most people in a relationship. Emotional abuse is often hard to identify as it comes in many ways. But physical abuse is obvious, making the victim of that type of abuse have no doubt they are in a dangerous situation.

Both types of abuse are dangerous:

Emotional abuse can alter another person’s perceptions and beliefs, slowly chipping away at who they are so that they eventually can’t recognize themselves anymore.

Physical abuse (which is almost always an extension of the emotional abuse already taking place) will pile on physical pain and genuine fear so that the victim feels as if they have no choice but to submit and do exactly what the abuser wants them to do or feel the immediate consequences of their non-compliance.

And, of course, this doesn’t even address the life-threatening situation many physical abuse victims are in. One push, smack, kick, or punch could disable or kill another person, even when that wasn’t the intention of the abuser. And because of that, it is often why I and probably every other professional in this area will advise victims of physical abuse to make a plan to leave a situation like that.

The Healed Being program addresses the origins of your emotional triggers – the upset under the behaviors. It helps you understand exactly what you’re doing that leads to abuse and gives you the tools to show up differently.

Physical abuse stems from emotional abuse. This program focuses on emotional abuse and will, therefore, be helpful to the physical abuser as well.

However, you will also want to contact a therapist or other professional who works in domestic violence or anger management so that you can address your physically abusive behaviors while working on the mental and emotional stuff.

Physical abuse can also involve knee-jerk fight-or-flight reactions, causing you to become physically harmful to others. This means that even though you will find methods of regulating your emotional state through Healed Being, those knee-jerk responses that lead to physically abusive behaviors can still be waiting on the sidelines, ready to flare up at any moment. That’s why working one-on-one with a professional in conjunction with this program is recommended and will be the most beneficial to you.

Healed Being will help you work through and identify triggers, understand patterns, and develop new ways of responding to challenging situations (coping skills). And when you’ve started healing those things, physically abusive behaviors are less likely to occur.

I’ve had physical abusers in the program. They gained a lot from the lessons and support group, and all have stopped their physically abusive behaviors.

I look at all abuse this way:

It is the end result of a chain of events preceding it. You experience something that triggers you (the stimulus), you have thoughts and feelings about it (internal processing), then you react by hurting another person (abusive behavior).

By working on why the stimulus bothers you and how to change your internal processing, you can alter your reaction. That’s the ultimate goal, at least. Your reaction could be emotional or physical, so any work you do on the stimulus and the internal processing is going to be helpful.

Will this program work for the physical abuser?

It will help as it addresses the origins of the abusive behaviors.

Will it stop you from being physically abusive?

It may, but only a professional can assess and make that determination. If you have been physically abusive, using this program in conjunction with one is advised.

What’s the most important thing that needs to be present when trying to stop being physically abusive?

You have to want to stop so bad that you’re willing to suffer discomfort and get results you don’t want. In other words, your healing and change become priorities over your fear of what might happen if you let go of control.

What does that mean? It means abusers don’t want to be unhappy or uncomfortable, as I said earlier. And stopping abusive behaviors means that you have to accept that you will very likely be unhappy and uncomfortable as you go through this process.

What you may not realize, however, is that when you stop the controlling and abusive behaviors, the unhappiness and discomfort you believe will happen will very likely never happen at all.

The fear of what could happen is what keeps people abusive. If you weren’t afraid of what might happen if you let go of controlling another person, do you think you’d be abusive? It’s a question to reflect on.

There’s a lot more on that topic in the program, but I wanted to give you something to think about as you make the decision to join or not. At a minimum, when you sign up for the free lessons, you’ll learn very quickly if you resonate with what I teach. If you do, then you’ll know the rest of the lessons will be valuable to you.

No matter what, never stop pursuing healing from this.

The Healed Being program can be taken through email lessons every three days with Q&As interspersed in between each (Healed Being Subscription) or purchased in one payment for full for access to all the lessons at once (Healed Being Online Complete). You can choose the option that works best for you. 

If you purchase Healed Being Online, you’ll get immediate access to all the lessons, including existing and new Q&As as they’re released, lifetime access to the private online support and discussion groups, audio versions of the lessons, and more. 

If you choose the subscription, you can cancel anytime you’re ready to venture out on your own. 

For more details and prices, click here.

The subscription is designed to send you lessons at the most effective pace to give you time to apply and observe the changes, and also see how your healing affects those around you. 

Most purchase the full Healed Being Online Complete course to let them absorb the material at their own pace. But there are those who prefer the pace I set in the Subscription as well.

Both options are effective and life-changing. Which one you choose will depend on how fast you need the lessons and how willing and ready you are to apply what you’ve learned to solve the challenges you’re facing. Both options also give you access to the online support group right away where you can connect directly with me and others in the program. You’ll always have a place to get your questions answered. 

This is a true “cancel anytime” program. There is a Cancel Program link at the bottom of every lesson to make it easy. No hassle.

The subscription is the best option for those who need to watch their budget. 

In the first month, you will receive a lesson every 3 days with more lessons in the form of Q&As in between. An entire month of lessons and online support in the group, where you have direct access to me and others, equates to about the price of a single hour of therapy. 

Healed Being is a powerful, life-changing experience. And even though it is a smaller investment in relation to therapy, I realized the the program may still out of reach for some people. That’s why I host two free podcasts dedicated to your mental health and well-being.

My shows:

The Overwhelmed Brain

This podcast will help you make good decisions, become emotionally intelligent, and create great relationships. It’s all about what it takes to become the most improved version of yourself.

Love and Abuse

This podcast talks about emotionally abusive relationships and learning how to deal with abusive behavior from others. It is geared toward the recipient of hurtful behavior, but I have many episodes that I give the perpetrator of those behaviors helpful guidance as well. 

Love and Abuse can be extremely valuable along your journey to healing not only because you may relate to many of the topics I talk about, but you’ll also get the perspective of the victim of emotional abuse – a valuable viewpoint that can help you empathize and understand at a greater depth. 

Also, there are times people who take this program reach out to me and share that they are the victims of emotional abuse, and they didn’t realize it. Sometimes the victims are made to believe they are the perpetrators. It’s good to learn just where you fit in so that you know what to work on. 

Not at this time. However, you can reach out to me in the online group. I reply to every post. Others in the program are also there to guide, support, and relate to what you’re going through, whether you need to vent, ask questions, or simply share what’s going on in your life.

Since I reply to every single post, you’ll always have my insights, opinions, and suggestions on what you’re going through. You can even post anonymously if you want. 

No matter what, the online group is there to help you through the challenges you’re facing. And it can be helpful to be in a place where there are people that can relate to what you’re going through.

If you purchase Healed Being Online Complete, you’ll get lifetime access to the Virtual Coach, which is an AI version of me. I trained a conversational bot with everything I know, and I constantly update it. It can be helpful to reach out to when you have burning questions. 

Absolutely. Feel free to reach out anytime. Here’s my contact form.